I have this continual feeling that I am lost. It seems nonsensical in some ways, since my life is fairly defined. I have a steady job that I’ve been at for nearly 7 years. I’m getting married (this weekend!) to a wonderful man with whom I’ve been in a relationship for over 10 years. I have friends. I have a home. I have pets. I seem to have my shit together.
But when I really think about it, I don‘t know what my purpose is. What am I doing here? What am I working toward? What are my priorities? Where do I want to be in 3, 5, 10 years? All questions I have no idea how to answer. I do, however, think I know why I don’t know.
My life has been constructed in a series of expectations. Get good grades. Do extracurricular activities. Go to a good college. Have a job upon graduation. Become a manager by 25. Get married by 28.
I have done all those things, because they were expected of me. And it’s not that I regret those things. I wish maybe I had less student debt and that I had a job I loved more, but I have a good life and a wonderful relationship. Yet now that I’ve accomplished these things, I find myself at (not to be clichè but…) a crossroads.
By always doing what’s expected of me, I feel as though I’ve lost my understanding of who I truly am and what I truly want. I’ve lost myself.
It’s time for me to figure out who I am, who I want to be and how I might get there. Thanks for joining me on the journey. Wish me luck!